I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
