my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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