she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
