I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
