Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
