i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize