I hate all girls vehemently.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
