People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My life is pants optional.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
