I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
