Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
