Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize