Why are handjobs necessary in class?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
