I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
