Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I didn't notice because vodka
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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