I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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