someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
