This girl is more easily done than said...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
