I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm really into asian looking animals
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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