That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize