Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
