Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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