its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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