he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
