dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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