I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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