At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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