Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
