you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
