we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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