I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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