i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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