She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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