Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
