Those balls look pretty dangerous.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize