i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
