I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize