explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
