You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
