I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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