On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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