I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
