he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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