Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
