how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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