ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
