you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
