I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
