I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
