I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
