Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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