that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
