so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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