Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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