you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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