just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
