i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
