so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize