mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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