Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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