And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's blow job season.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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