: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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