the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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