so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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