You smell like stripper and shame
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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