I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
