I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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