This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize