it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
