dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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