The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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