so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
