is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
