And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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