you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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