Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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