someone get that fucking seahorse.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
