HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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