Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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