; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
