I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
