I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
