I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
