dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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