whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
